Contrary to popular beliefs, a person does not need to be a certified counsellor, teacher, or psychologist to be a mentor.

Many of our young clients may not have much stability, adult presence or guidance, experience feelings of abandonment, and/or sources that help them develop healthy secure attachments. These may lead to not-so-positive outcomes and what would be beneficial to prevent these outcomes would be having a mentor who would journey with them.

What are some traits a mentor possesses?

• Time commitment
  -Eg. A minimum of one year
• Ability to meet the mentee regularly and consistently
  -Eg. Six hours per month
  -If you are unable to meet on an agreed date, rescheduling in advance would be good
• Ability to listen and engage with questions
  -Examples of questions :
  -How has your week been?”
  -What made you happy or proud this week? ​
  -Was there anything this week that made you upset or disappointed?
• Encouraging and Supportive
• Warm and Caring
• Patience
  – It can be challenging and trying at times, changes might only be seen after months, mentee might fall back after setbacks, but if you keep going, the changes will solidify

What are some things a mentor can do during a session?
Initially, it is a good idea to spend time to get to know each other since trust must be built in the mentor-mentee relationship. You could also find out more about their interests and what they would like to do in the coming sessions together.

Below are some activities you could do with your mentee:

• Discuss and work on homework
• Outdoor activities (e.g. cycling, kite flying)
• Read a book together
• Drawing and colouring
• Arts and Craft
• Teach and play musical instruments together
• Teach and work on a computer project together
• Discuss personal vision and possible steps to get there
• Discuss about future education and career options and plans
• Help look through resume and prepare for an interview (For older mentees who are going into the workforce)

As you can see, you do not need to be a professional teacher or counsellor to be a mentor. You just need the desire to want to help a younger person with your life experiences, be prepared, and be engaged.

It is not an overnight journey, but definitely one that can be incredibly rewarding and life-changing.

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Sounds like something you would be interested in? Drop us a message today! We provide training and support so you can be empowered to empower others.

If you like to give and help our children break out of their existing circumstances, please click here. A little goes a long way in creating brighter tomorrows for our young ones 😊

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References :
1.https://hr.nih.gov/sites/default/files/public/documents/trainingcenter/programs/pdf/things-do-together.pdf
2.https://sites.sph.harvard.edu/wmy/dr-mentor/

A mother’s role in a child’s life has always been widely celebrated, while discussion on a father’s role often takes a back seat.

Even though a father’s role is not as widely known or talked about, fathers are just as equally important. 

The reality of today’s society is that not every child has a complete family. Many of them experience their father’s absence, due to various reasons, and this can be very painful for them (E.g. Feeling of abandonment, that they are not good enough, shame).

What can help them become stronger, despite this gap or absence, is to provide a consistent and good father figure in their lives.

What constitutes a father figure?

 This can include the following:
· Biological or Stepfather
· Other adult male figures such as grandfather, uncle, teacher, coach, or a mentor

Is having a father figure present enough? 

Simply being present is not enough. The person will need to be consistent in showing up, be engaged, and show care and warmth towards the child.

The main idea is for each interaction to be of high quality.

How does having a father figure make a difference for a child?

A mother figure is generally more nurturing, comforting, and protective, which tends to the emotional aspects of a child.

On the other hand,  a father figure contributes to other developments in the following ways :

– Males are often stronger, louder, and they play rougher. This encourages the child to develop more self-confidence, be bolder, and take more risks.

– Males also have different communication styles and use different languages. For example, the child will learn to ask for clarifications, give clear explanations and references to experiences and events, find solutions and problem solve.

Especially for boys :

–  Children model after adults easily and when there is a good father figure in their lives who treat others respectfully, they learn to do the same.

– What we love most is that children grow to be more compassionate adults when they have good father figures in their lives. In a *study, researchers have found that the determining factor in developing empathy in children was having father figure involvement.

How does Life Community come into the picture?

We match a child with an adult mentor to help provide a consistent adult figure in his/her life. Many of them come from vulnerable backgrounds and may not have the privilege of parents who are present and engaged in their lives.

We also do gender matching to ensure safety for the children under our care. (i.e. Female mentor with a female mentee, Male mentor with a male mentee)

We are currently looking for male mentors for a group of boys who are experiencing their father’s absence. We have seen that having an adult mentor to journey with them can help ease their confusion and hurt, and put them on the right path as they enter adulthood.

I would like to be a male mentor, but I’m worried I can’t do it!

It might sound like a big responsibility, but what is needed more importantly is time, consistency, care, warmth, and the desire to inspire, motivate, and help a younger life become stronger.

The focus is not to replace the father figure or fill the hole left by absent fathers in their lives, but to be a good adult male role model where they can turn to for guidance and care.

 Below are some things you can do, and we will be sharing more on this in the coming weeks:

• Set aside time to check in regularly (E.g. Asking about his day)
• Plan and do activities together (E.g. Sports, activities, drawing)

Final Note 

The positive impact of a good mentoring relationship with a trusted adult can be exponential for a child – Their attitudes, grades and social relationships improve, and often they will pay it forward with the community and become mentors themselves when they are adults. 

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We are looking for male mentors! Click here now to find out more. Training is provided so you are empowered to empower another. Help us build up a strong generation for tomorrow.

If you like to give and help our children break out of their existing circumstances, please click here. A little goes a long way in creating brighter tomorrows for our young ones 😊

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References :
1. *Richard Koestner, et al., “The Family Origins of Empathic Concern: A Twenty-Six Year Longitudinal Study,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 58 (1990): 709-717
2. Significance of a father’s influence, Focus on the family, 2011, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/the-significance-of-a-fathers-influence

Many children from low-income and/or vulnerable backgrounds may not have the privilege of stable and caring adult relationships.

Often, this is not by choice but a result of certain circumstances such as parental incarceration; parental absence due to working multiple jobs; parenting skills; and/or volatile family situations (e.g. domestic violence). 

At a tender age and without guidance, they are left on their own devices and slowly over time, by default, they start to operate on a *fight-or-flight mode. 

This can eventually translate into response styles such as acting out when they are unable to regulate emotions (e.g. anger); finding it hard to focus and self-motivate especially in school; and turning to unhealthy alternatives such as joining gangs and partaking in other vices to cope.

A core part of what we do to bridge this gap is to assign trained adult mentors to children and youths under our care, who will visit them regularly.

The end goal is to provide a consistent adult figure who will provide guidance to our young clients, allow them to build good life imprints early on, grow personally and academically, and in the long run, improve and be connected to more social-economic opportunities. 

So how does mentoring benefit children and youths who are at risk of falling off track and help them become stronger?

Personal / Social / Emotional Development:

• Healthier lifestyle choices
• Decrease in delinquency, crimes, drug and alcohol abuse
• Ability to build and maintain social relationships that flourish
• Develop healthy coping skills and solutions in challenging times 
• Improved self-confidence when they are guided to see themselves accurately (E.g. strengths and accomplishments)
• Learn about financial options

Education:

• Improved ability to set goals, self-motivate, and focus
• Learn about educational options
• Increase the likelihood of graduation 
• Increase the likelihood of holding leadership positions 

All these are the results of establishing caring relationships and having a good role model whom they can trust and turn to, and who can guide them to stay on course.

Sustainable and stable improvements in the child/youth are often seen only after years of consistent mentoring, but the time and guidance given can eventuate in incredible results and impact later on in their lives.

The benefits are endless and especially effective when applied early on.

Drop us a message or attend a “Get-to-know-you” session to find out more and meet like-minded people who have been on this journey and have seen lives changed. We also provide training and support so you can be empowered to empower others. 😊 

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*Much stress on a long-term basis often causes children to operate on a fight-or-flight mode.

Stressors can include :

• Lack of pocket money for food
• Fear that their classmates will find out and make fun of their backgrounds, or pick fights with them
• Not passing exams because they do not know how to do their homework
• Suppressing the overwhelming feeling of anger, shame, and abandonment
• Hindered cognitive and emotional development from accumulated stressors 
• Having to fend for themselves constantly 

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References :
1. https://www.mentoring.org
2. https://www.paultough.com